BOWL TOUR 2007

Here's to You, Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy!

2007-01-05T14:51:00.000-06:00

I am a Kansas City Chiefs fan. Everybody who knows me knows this fact. Heading into New Year’s Eve, the Chiefs needed to win their game and then needed four other things to happen in order to make the playoffs. The plan of the day was to go watch the final Chiefs game of the season and retire to the hotel for a nap before heading to the Fiesta Bowl Block Party.

Unbelievably, the plan was foiled as every early game went the Chiefs way as Kansas City’s playoff chances rode on a San Francisco victory at Denver in the late afternoon game. For those who follow the NFL, this is not a likely scenario to take place. San Francisco was two touchdown underdogs. Much to my surprise; however, the game came down to one kick by the San Francisco kicker.

Make it and the Chiefs are in the playoffs. Miss it and Kansas City is playing golf in the winter. The tension was high. The entire sports bar was at its feet, mostly because it was made of Broncos fans. And that son of a bitch nailed it and I went ballistic. What an enjoyable first six hours of New Year’s Eve.

So, in the honor of those popular Bud Lite commercials a few year’s back, here’s to you Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy:

“Here’s to you Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy! While Denver was in control of its own destiny and you had nothing to play for, the hopes of an entire city half a nation away rode on your size 11 feet. Without you Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy, others might not have been willing to stand a mile high in the air and 39-yards from the crossbar without the doubt of their forward kick falling just short or sailing high or just wide of the distracting yellow posts. However, with 11 fleet-of-foot Broncos racing at you and the hopes of a grateful city resting on your shoulders, you placed your steeled toe foot and struck the oblong shaped pigskin high into the air. Your majestic ability to send the leather upward and forward and through the U-shaped upright has uplifted an entire city as a pigskin playing team from Kansas City lives on for another week. So, raise your glass high, Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy, because this Bud is for you!”

And everyone better believe I am going to be the first guy to audition for the background singer position when the ad wizards at Budweiser start to cut this commercial. Thanks to Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy, I will happily sing phrases like “size 11 feet” and “distracting yellow posts” as they did in the original Bud commercials. I would even do it for zero pay. I am that grateful.

Seriously, I cannot describe how happy I was to see that kick sail through the uprights. A most surprising start to the New Year. Now I can enjoy watching Kansas City get throttled by Indianapolis in the first round of the playoffs this weekend.

But, if it weren’t for Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy, a Kansas City defeat in the first round of the playoffs never would have happened.

Thanks again, Mr. San Francisco Kicker Guy.

Lost, Not Found

2007-01-05T13:25:00.000-06:00

I would like to take this moment for a little announcement. The Bowl Tour was not without casualties. Sad times, unbelievably, were had on the bowl tour. Below is an invetory of those things left behind:

One South Florida football - Lost in Shreveport
One collapsable cooler with contents - Lost in Tempe
One camera - Lost at the Fiesta Bowl
One Seiko watch - Lost at the Fiesta Bowl
A little bit of our dignity - Lost everywhere

If found, please e-mail bowltour07@yahoo.com. The group thanks you for your efforts.

Here Come the Butler, Baby!

2007-01-05T11:35:00.000-06:00

Nothing says ‘turn it up a notch’ more than an arrival of a guy like Butler. Unfortunately, Butler was unable to make the journey to Shreveport and El Paso; however, he was more than happy to fly in and meet the crew in Tempe.

It’s tough to explain a guy like Butler, the man basically gets paid to travel the world and have fun. Not really a bad gig. He is a seasoned veteran at the whole ‘we need to go on a road trip and act like a bunch of crazed animals’ thing.

He is obviously very good at what he does (he’s a television producer, by the way); but, when he lets loose he’s like a cross between the Tasmanian Devil and Richard Lewis. Drunk and crazy is the point I’m trying to make.

Of course Butler did not disappoint, within 20 minutes of our arrival he molested a girl he had never met in his life. It was an accident of course; but, still gives a person the idea how over-the-top he is at times.

Since we decided to stay in for the night in El Paso, the group was more than willing to take on Tempe the day we arrived. After a few beverages at the hotel, the group decided to hail a cab and hit the streets of Tempe. Within minutes of our arrival at the first bar, Butler is hitting on a pair of twins.

The Doublemint Twins say something like ‘we are a couple of Denver Broncos cheerleaders’ while Butler responds by saying something along the lines of ‘that’s cool, I’m a CIA agent.’ (Not really what he said; but, I’m sure it was something along those lines). Needless to say, it was pretty obvious these girls weren’t professional football cheerleaders.

Thanks to Butler’s over-the-top antics, Doublemint hit it off with the group immediately. Nothing really interesting happened the rest of the night other than the usual stuff one does when in a new city and had a few too many beverages.

Myself, Butler and the twins went to a few bars and separated from the group while the other four stayed at one of the places we went to at the start of the night. For the groups, a little dancing, a little drinking and a few slurred words; but, for the most, just a typical night out on the town. Well, except for the cab ride home for the other group. Unfortunately, since I was not in the cab, I cannot accurately describe what went on.

At any rate, we have a good time and we all go our separate ways at the end of the night. I know, it sounds boring; but, stay with me for a second. Skip ahead to the Fiesta Bowl; and, it is moments like the one I’m about to describe that make having a guy like Butler around a once-in-a-lifetime event.

The Doublemint Twins walk into the Fiesta Bowl and have seats directly behind us. Butler, of course, starts talking to them immediately. Unfortunately for the twins, one of them brought their boyfriend (a fact they failed to mention a couple of nights before).

Butler, being Butler, starts lighting into the boyfriend immediately. He starts saying things like ‘hey, she never mentioned you’ and ‘where were you last night?’ Of course, the topper was along the lines of ‘look, I got her number, we had a great time.’

This guy was getting more pissed with each passing minute because it was pretty obvious the twins had lied about where they were a couple of nights earlier. He got so pissed at Butler and so pissed at his girlfriend to the point where he forced the twins to move seats. I don’t know if they switched seats or left the game entirely in order to have a knock-down, drag-out fight; but, I’m hoping one of the twins avoided getting beaten that night because this cat didn’t look like the most pleasant of fellows.

Obviously, there are not a lot of people out there who would say some of the things Butler did in that situation. However, those things probably needed to be said. I mean, the girls lied to the guy two nights before because they are scared to death of him because it is pretty clear this guy was a raving lunatic. It’s probably not a situation that is ‘meant to be’ for the happy couple.

If it took Butler to point out the fact to the twins this wasn’t the best of relationships, it’s probably the best for everyone involved. I mean, a person always wants ‘to bring people together;’ but, sometimes a person just needs to point out to somebody else they are simply making a ‘bad decision."

A guy like Butler is perfect for that kind of difficult task.

The Final Bowl Tour Run

2007-01-04T23:06:00.000-06:00

I know, I know... I have neglected the blog. My bad. But, I mean, those three days in Tempe were something else. That thing escalated in a hurry. After a couple of days of deep thought and reflection, I think I am finally ready to finish the posts about the trip.

So, be patient, folks. New posts regarding Bowl Tour shenanigans will be up on Friday morning. I know everyone anxiously awaits. Until then, a picture of the arrival of Butler. It should give everybody a general idea of the stupidity that took place.

The Sun Bowl (AKA The Steph Bowl)

2006-12-30T16:36:00.001-06:00

The Sun Bowl. Talk about everything. From parking lot attendants who lied more than your local political candidate, to super-pop mega star Rhianna to foul-mouthed game attendees who decided to throw nachos and paper airplanes at the people down below, this bowl had it all.

Obviously, the highlight of the day was the game itself, an exciting 39-38 come-from-behind victory by our friends at Oregon State over mucho-hated Missouri; but, other highlights included quotes made throughout the day by the group and others. This post focuses on those quotes simple enough in their clarity; but, strangely bizarre in their absurdity. If you don’t find them amusing enough; well, A) I don’t care, and, B) I guess you just had to be there.

So, without further adieu, the first quotes come from Stephanie. Talk about announcing your presence with authority. Stephanie made sure her first bowl experience was a doozy. From high-fiving every single halftime performer to making nacho runs for the group to policing the males and females in line for the bathroom, Stephanie made sure everyone in the group enjoyed their Sun Bowl experience.

To put it simple terms, Stephanie dominated the Sun Bowl. In fact, rumor has it there is an official petition out there to officially rename the Sun Bowl the Steph Bowl. Here’s hoping it catches on. I know everyone in this group will be referring to the game as “The Steph Bowl” from here on out. Anyway, on to the quotes:

On Texas (made to a Texas fan sitting behind us): “The only reason Texas won the national title last year is because Vince Young is a ball hog.”

This comment was easily the quote of the day and elicited many responses from everyone around us. I’d post all of them here; but, it would be too lengthy and time consuming. Needless to say, those on Bowl Tour 2007 will not be letting Stephanie forget this one anytime soon. Anyway, back to some more Stephanie goodness…

On the handlebar mustache some dude next to us was sporting (picture below): “Those are some cool barstools you are sporting.”

On the game itself: “I think it’s time to leave.” (comment made immediately before Oregon State started its amazing comeback).

Next up on the quote board is Bobby, who was truly fascinated by the halftime prowess of Rhianna.

To the local beer girl: “Are you Rhianna? Because, if you were, it would be cool.”

On the portly kid who was struggling on the field during the halftime show: “Hey big boy, hustle it up down there. You are bringing down the halftime fun!”

Of course, I’m always good for a quote or two, especially when it involves a conversation with some jackass Missouri fan who is just bitter because his Tigers pulled off another miraculous choke job. Here’s how the conversation went down…

Missouri fan to me after the game: So what has Baylor done lately?

Me: Well, we have 15 Big 12 Conference titles and two national championships compared to your one conference title in any sport since the existence of the conference. (Note: Baylor may not have 15 titles; but, it’s around that number. Missouri definitely only has one. In the sport of softball, no less)

Missouri fan: ………

At any rate, there were obviously many more great quotes; but, unfortunately, due to some of the type of beverages we consumed, I’m not able to remember them all. Don’t worry, though, we will be taking notes at the Fiesta Bowl in order to accurately portray what a rocking good time Bowl Tour 2007 has been for everyone involved. In fact, we will just end this post with a quote multiple people have said to us throughout this journey.

Random fans on many occasions: “Are you the guys on a bowl tour?!?! That’s freaking awesome!”

Damn straight it is, people. Damn straight.

Awwww... So Cute

2006-12-30T10:45:00.000-06:00

Considering I will be mentioning these people several times throughout, I guess it's probably best to post a picture of the group at the Sun Bowl. In the first row we have Bobby and Stephanie while the second row consists of Michael, Dan and Adrienne. The third row consists of a bunch of people who threw paper airplanes at everybody throughout the game.

Oh, and look at the pretty mountains. Neat.

Rally! Rally! Rally!

2006-12-30T10:10:00.000-06:00

All we can say about the Sun Bowl is 'Wow!' What a game. Oregon State, trailing 38-24, scores two fourth quarter touchdowns and then goes for two with nine seconds left to win the whole stinking thing. Needless to say, considering my hatred for Missouri, I was positively giddy.

Much more about this game later; but, for now here is video of the final touchdown drive and the gutsy two-point conversion. The first video features some outstanding play-by-play commentary from Dan while the second video (the two-point conversion) is fun just for the fact I start yelling at the general school of Missouri repeatedly from snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Enjoy!

And here is the two-point conversion for the win. Go on with your bad selves, Oregon State.

We Made It!

2006-12-30T02:13:00.000-06:00

Holy crud that was a long drive; but, 2006 Sun Bowl, here we come! We finally made it! Several posts about the 2006 Sun Bowl to follow because it was one heck of a good time. Shenanigans abounded. As for now, though, I'm all tuckered out.

Until next time...

Stretch it Out

2006-12-30T02:02:00.000-06:00

That's right, Bobby, it's a long trip to El Paso for the Sun Bowl. Why don't you just take a moment to stretch it out. That'll make things easier. Nicely done! This trip to El Paso is going to be a breeze.

A Meager Independence Bowl Recap

2006-12-30T01:55:00.000-06:00

I’d like to show you the video of the game-winning field goal Oklahoma State kicked with only seconds left to defeat Alabama, 34-31; but, I ran out of batteries half-way through the fourth quarter. Therefore, the only video I’m going to post from this game is an exciting one-yard touchdown run in the first quarter. Neat-o, huh.

The game itself was obviously a blast; however, things did take a turn for the worse when some Alabama fan threatened an Oklahoma State friend of ours with a knife. Literally. This clown pulled out a Swiss Army knife and threatened to cut his throat. You stay classy, Alabama. Seriously, some of the Alabama fans made run-of-the-mill red necks look like Albert Einstein. I’m a little worried the education in the fine state of Alabama may set this country back a couple of centuries.

At any rate, the bowl tour is off to a rousing start! The Independence Bowl, despite the fact it featured a couple of 6-6 teams, has been the best bowl game to date. I’d like to think it’s because they knew Bowl Tour 2007 was rolling through town.

Next up: a disturbing 12-hour, overnight ride across the state of Texas in the middle of the night in order to get to El Paso, Texas, and the Sun Bowl (MissouriOregon State). vs.

Our Bean-bag Tossing Skills Are Superior to Yours, Punk

2006-12-30T01:38:00.000-06:00

Hey, you. Yeah, funny guy in the jacket, I’m talking to you. Don’t bring that weak-ass bean-bag tossing shit in our house. We are the bean-bag tossing kings! You don’t want to step to this.

Sure, your little school may be good at some sport called football; but, that stuff is for pansies. Bean-bag tossing is where it’s at and Baylor is the mother-effing bean-bag tossing king.

Just go ahead and sit back and admire; because, with this throw right here, you are the latest victim. Wham! Alabama, you have just lost. Roll that, bitches. Go back to that so-called sport of football so you can feel good about yourselves again.

Sure, I’ll shake your hand and tell you that you guys gave it the old college try; but, on the inside, I’m only mocking you. Your feeble attempt to dethrone the bean-bag tossing kings from Baylor has been thwarted.

Better luck next time, losers.

2006-12-28T10:56:00.000-06:00

We haven't lost a dime at this point, hence the big smiles.

2006-12-28T10:50:00.000-06:00

Apparently, there is a certain firework that you buy when you want to get women, but it's $125 and we decided we're not that desperate. Instead, we spend $10 on a multi-pack which we can't wait to set off tonight!

A Formal Introduction

2006-12-28T10:39:00.000-06:00

A waitress introduces 'Bowl Tour 2007.' Bow down, bitches....

Ouch! That One Stung

2006-12-28T10:09:00.000-06:00

To recap last night in Shreveport...

We're down a collective $690

But, we are all up a bunch of memories...

Respect the Minivan

2006-12-27T19:23:00.000-06:00

So I get a call 6 hours before our ETD from the ball busters at (Dis-) Advantage Rent-A-Car to inform me that my reserved Durango was no longer available but that they had a lovely Dodge Caravan for our enjoyment. I had just recently seen something that said minivans were now cool again (were they before?), so I said “sure.”

Fast forward two hours later and my phone rings again. This time (Dis-) Advantage Rent-A-Car informs me that our reserved Caravan is in the shop and will not be back in time. They proceeded to offer us a pickup or a 12 passenger van, to which I replied, “Lady, I’m not taking a swim team to state. This is Bowl Tour 2007.” She said she’d get back to me (It’s at this point that visions of Steve Martin dropping f-bombs on that red haired lady in Planes, Trains and Automobiles run through my head).

Two bits of good news followed. First, we wound up getting the minivan. There is some concern that this is the same car that needed repair, and they simply called it back in so I wouldn’t further berate the (Dis-) Advantage representative. Possible? Yes. Likely? Yes.

Secondly, after packing the Caravan full of clothes, coolers, charcoal grills, tailgate tents and chairs, etc., we discovered that we have FLOOR STORAGE! We decided to wait to Shreveport to rearrange, but it’s good to know nonetheless.

We are currently between Corsicana and Tyler on HWY 31, in case anyone wants to waive at us as we drive by. Are we gonna get to Shreveport by midnight you ask? “Baby we’re gonna be up five hundy by midnight!!”

Hello! Stupidity and Shenanigans Await

2006-12-27T00:40:00.000-06:00

Drunken debauchery, double downs, football, making plays, awful coaching, 4:00 AM food runs, tailgating, unnecessary pit stops, embarrassing photos, block parties, dueling pianos, very white chicks from Idaho, 6-6 shenanigans, Gary Pinkel, Beavers, Boone’s, multiple shots of tequila, teams without a coach, uneventful halftime events, shady Japanese blackjack dealers, cheap buffets, New Year’s Eve and more bad decisions than anybody would care to count…

Quite the long list, right? Well, everything on the list above (and more) can be found at one place: BOWL TOUR 2007.

For some strange reason, a group of us has decided to take on an incredibly challenging and daunting task: to attend three bowl games in three different states in five days. Oh, and we decided to throw in a college basketball game (Stanford at Arizona; Tucson, Ariz.) for good measure, just to keep us on our toes.

Starting on December 28, 2006, our fearless group will tackle the Independence Bowl (Shreveport, La.), Sun Bowl (El Paso, Texas) and Fiesta Bowl (Tempe, Ariz.), all with the sort of reckless abandon you would expect from a group of single people with absolutely no responsibility whatsoever at this time of year.

I mean, it’s either keep our rear-ends glued to the television sets in Waco; or, hit the road to see how many different city ordinances we can break in one week’s span.

Obviously, the trip is not for the weary; therefore, it’s imperative the loyal readers of this historic account take a moment to meet everyone involved:

Me (Michael): I’m one of the two founding fathers of this trip. The idea came to me after the Kansas City Chiefs blew a game against the Cleveland Browns. Pissed off, I knew I would need something to do at the end of December since the Chiefs were going to miss the playoffs again.

Since I was 10 beers deep at the time of the loss, I figured some pointless road trip where I could act as immature as possible without any real repercussions whatsoever was the way to go. Toss in the fact I work in public relations and I had a week off from work at the end of the month; well, then I knew a pointless bowl road trip was a must. All I needed was to hook somebody else on the idea, which leads to…

Dan: The other founding father, Dan bought in immediately because he is an Oklahoma grad. Since the Sooners went from playing in some crap-tastic bowl to playing in a BCS bowl in the span of two weeks, Dan was so giddy about OU’s fortunes he bought into the idea of a ridiculous road trip immediately.

Of course, the fact he is currently stuck in the hell that is law school probably had something to do with his eagerness to go on the trip. If it weren’t for this road trip, Dan would probably go on a three-state killing spree sometime in February. I wouldn’t blame him. Law school is that bad.

Adrienne: Yes, there are girls on this road trip! Some might question this decision to have girls come along; but, I know it’s a wise one. Adrienne is a bartender who has recently graduated from college. If I had to rank the 10 drunkest days I have had in Texas, nine of them probably have involved Adrienne in some way, shape or form. Whether it’s because she bought me a round of shots, knocked a few beers off the tab or brought a few bottle of Boone’s to some random after-hours, Adrienne has definitely knocked my BAC level up a few notches on numerous occasions. Toss in the fact Adrienne loves football, is always willing to have fun and is about to have the giant misfortune of stepping into the “real world” like the rest of us; it’s obvious why she is a must on this historic journey.

Bobby: A journeyman who has made his way from Waco to Lubbock to somewhere in England to Lubbock and back to Waco, Bobby is another guy who is lucky enough to have some time off to do some incredibly stupid things over the course of this week. Bobby’s reason for going is he’s pretty much willing to do anything. This can be seen in the fact he openly roots for some random European soccer team. I mean, honestly, who in the States does that sort of thing?

His savvy on the soccer pitch and familiarity with the English hooligans will come in handy when I want to berate some Missouri fans to the point of starting a riot during the middle of Rhianna’s halftime performance at the Sun Bowl (more on my hatred for Missouri later).

Stephanie: If I had written this post 24 hours ago, I would be using this space to introduce ‘some random girl.’ I don’t think I have ever met Stephanie; but, apparently she is a friend of Bobby, an Oklahoma fan and more than willing to go. She’s also a teacher, which explains why she has some time at her disposal at the end of December. Unfortunately for her, if her students happen to run into this blog, she will probably get fired. Best of luck, Stephanie!

Last; but, not least:

Butler: When told of an extra ticket to the Fiesta Bowl, Butler immediately grabbed a phone and dialed the nearest Delta customer service center to plop 50,000 frequent flyer miles on a trip from Salt Lake City to Phoenix just to be part of the shenanigans. Needless to say, Butler is stoked. Part of the reason; of course, is because he lives in Salt Lake City. I’d describe Butler in more detail; but, one cannot really describe the indescribable. I guess the best way to put it is things will “get turned up a notch” once he joins the party in Tempe on Dec. 30. Yes, this could get ugly.

There it is, six fearless souls willing to take on three bowl games in five days. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, the tales of this momentous occasion will be documented. Over the coming days on this blog, readers can find various highlights (and lowlights) of the journey.

The trip starts at 5:00 p.m. on Wednesday, December 27, so make sure to check back often for video, photos and some random words about the trip at hand.

Oh, one final note: if you happen to be attending any of the above mentioned events and want to do a free shot of tequila or eat an undercooked hamburger, drop us a line at bowltour07@yahoo.com, we’d be happy to have you stop on by.

Adios, for now!
Michael